Hardwired For Ecstasy Page 3
“So why do you want to know, then?” Now it was her turn to be confused. What the hell was going on here? What the fuck else had Leland never told her about himself?
Atticus rose, walked around the desk, and sat in the same chair he’d occupied when they’d had their chat this morning. Was it possible that had only been five hours ago? His expression was calmer now, but Emma’s emotions weren’t. She was ready to drive back to Central right now, storm into the police station, and kick Leland where she should have kicked him weeks ago. And she wouldn’t stop until he was howling in pain. Let them toss her in jail. It would be worth it.
“Please tell me,” he said, his voice soft now. “It’s important.”
This wasn’t right, but something in his expression made her wonder whether he knew something about Leland that she needed to know, but didn’t. Atticus had assumed she did, however, which was why he pushed her so hard right now. He wasn’t going to reveal what it was unless she told him the whole story.
Did she really care what it was? How much worse could it be than what he’d already done to her? She’d promised Leland not to take what he’d done public, and he in turn had promised not to interfere with her life. If she told Atticus all this and it got back to Leland, he would make trouble for her in this job.
But if Atticus had something on Leland—something he wouldn’t want to get out—Leland would have no leverage to use against her. That realization alone was enough to convince her to tell Atticus what he wanted to know.
“Okay, but this is horribly embarrassing for me. Not to mention painful. If I never heard or thought his name again I’d be perfectly content.”
He nodded. “I understand. And thank you for clarifying that.”
What? Now she knew there was something going on here she had no knowledge of. Screw what she’d promised Leland she wouldn’t do. Her new job was on the line.
“Leland was already captain when I began working there. I kept my head down and didn’t pay attention to gossip. There were only a dozen civilians working in the station, and we tended to stick together. Leland told everyone he used to be married, but his wife had left him because he worked all the time. He would stay over his shift when he really didn’t need to, and come in when he could just as easily have found someone else to cover a shift.”
“What did he tell you his wife’s first name was?”
“He didn’t.” Not right away. “Let me clarify that. Eventually I learned her name was Bonnie.”
“What do you mean he didn’t, and that you eventually learned her name?”
“I mean he never spoke of her by name, and by the time he asked me out the first time, he had told everyone they’d been divorced for a year.”
Atticus gave her a skeptical look that made her feel like the bottom of someone’s shoe after they’ve stepped in mud and dead leaves. “You worked there for seven years. Are you telling me that in all that time, no one told you he was still married?”
“That’s what I’m saying, yes. No one told me. If anyone brought up the subject, he denied every rumor that they were only separated, or actually still married. By the time I went out with him the first time, his story was that Bonnie had walked out on him the year after everyone moved underground, but his divorce was tied up in court for two years. He said she fought him on everything and dragged it out on purpose, just to torture him.”
“Where did he tell you she worked?”
“He didn’t, and I never asked. Why would I give a shit where a woman I thought was his ex-wife worked?”
Atticus reached across her and pushed a button she hadn’t noticed before. A control panel slid out, then he pushed a few more buttons and the tablet refreshed. He scooted closer to her and she resisted the urge to push her chair away. She would not show this man how upset she was with him right now.
When he finished typing, he moved back a bit so she could face the screen. She stared at the face of the woman who had never divorced Leland. Poor thing likely had no clue how much of a fucking pig her husband was.
“Is this the woman you know as his wife, Bonnie?”
At least the hardness had left his voice, but she still wasn’t able to stop the tears this time. They spilled over cheeks as she nodded. “Yes. I found a picture of her online after I … after I realized he’d lied to me for three years.”
“I’m very sorry he lied to you.”
She snapped her gaze toward him, completely shocked by the tenderness of his tone. “Isn’t that what we’ve been talking about? And if it’s not, what the hell am I missing here?”
“It’s complicated. Please tell me the rest of your story first.”
She didn’t understand what was going on, but at least his damn beautiful eyes were no longer cold. Instead, he gazed at her with sympathy, so she wiped her face and took a deep breath. “We began dating and either no one knew the real truth, or those who did never told me. I swear to you I never had a clue he had lied about his divorce.”
“Did anyone else talk about the divorce story?”
“Yes. A lot of people did, including Alex. As far as I know, he had told everyone in that station the same bullshit story.”
“So where did the rumors come from?”
“I honestly don’t know. They’d surface all the time, but Leland would get upset and put a stop to them again. He wasn’t well liked by most people working there, so I always just assumed they were trying to stir shit up.”
“You never suspected he had lied to you?”
“No. I was naïve.” She wanted to leave. Now. This served no purpose. “And going out with him to fancy dinners and concerts made me feel grown up.”
“He’s quite a bit older than you.”
“He was forty when I started dating him and I was twenty-five.” And you have no room to talk. Atticus Yates was forty-two and regularly seen with women as young as twenty-one. “It was flattering. He was a gentlemen and very romantic.”
He’d also taken her virginity, but she didn’t feel the need to tell her new boss that detail.
“When and how did you find out he was still married to Bonnie?”
She sighed. If she told him, she’d definitely go back on her promise to Leland. There was no turning back once she went that far into the story. When she’d first read Atticus’s email she had assumed Leland told him what had happened. Now, she realized that wasn’t true. She needed to know why Atticus had gone looking for information on Leland in the first place.
“Did you know I had dated him when you went looking for those performance reviews?”
“What do you think?”
“Please stop playing games with me.”
“This isn’t a negotiation, Emma.”
She swallowed hard again, determined not to cry anymore. “I understand that, but promises were made.”
His gaze turned suspicious. “Really? Tell me about the promises. And then tell me how you found out about his wife.”
She crossed her arms, anger overpowering humiliation once more. This was ridiculous. What right did this man have to pry into her personal life?
“And if I refuse?”
“If you refuse, you’re fired.”
Chapter Four
Atticus hated seeing that look of pain and confusion in her eyes, but he had to know whether his company or any of the other Weathermen’s companies had been compromised by Bonnie Clough. In other words, whether Emma Sawyer was actually a spy.
So far, unless she was one hell of an actress, she’d merely been the victim of Leland not being able to keep it in his pants. But Atticus wouldn’t back off until he knew the entire story. He’d deal with telling her the truth later. That he hadn’t known for certain she and Leland were involved until she’d told him.
Emma shook her head slightly, and Atticus almost relented. Did he really want to know the details of what had obviously been an affair with a married man? Whether she’d known he was married or not wasn’t the issue here. Bonnie was the issue, but he
couldn’t tip his hand until he knew whether Emma had been sent here by Bonnie, by Leland, or by someone else.
“You’re kidding. You’d fire me over this?”
“I would. This is too important to my company.” That was all he could say without giving her potential ammunition.
She glanced away and let out a puff of air that fluttered her hair. His gaze swept down the length of it, to her shoulders, and down her left arm to her hand, resting palm up in her lap. From there he eyed her legs again. She had very pretty ones.
He realized she wasn’t talking yet and forced his gaze back to her face, where he couldn’t help but notice she had been watching him check her out. Fuck. What the hell was wrong with him? He knew better than that.
A man was never more vulnerable than when a woman realized he lusted after her. Unless Leland Clough really had fooled this girl for three solid years, she was no stranger to using sex to get what she wanted.
“Well?” he asked, his voice harder than it needed to be. “What’s your decision?”
For a split second, she looked so pissed off he thought she was going to leave, just like that, but then her expression changed and she folded her hands in her lap. “Fine. Here’s the whole, sordid story. I worked side by side with Leland for four years before we became lovers. The entire time I listened to the rumors about him. I also listened to him deny those rumors, and insist his wife had left him and then dragged out the divorce to hurt him.”
“So you started seeing him three years ago?”
“Yes. A year after he said his divorce was finalized. He asked me out several times before I finally agreed. We kept it as secret as possible because I didn’t want him getting in trouble.”
“Seems to me if he was as worried about that as you were, he wouldn’t have signed your performance reviews.”
“I agree with you. But as I already told you, he gave me what sounded like a legitimate reason for signing them. Our performance reviews weren’t something we all talked about with each other or I would have questioned why he was signing mine but no one else’s.”
“So you never knew the sergeant still signed those of your coworkers?”
“No, I did not.”
Atticus nodded. So far, her story sounded believable, but he would carefully watch her face and body language while she continued talking, just in case.
“We never stayed at my place. He said it was because he wanted our nights together to be special. We stayed at lavish hotels with room service and all the bells and whistles. When we went out dinner or to concerts, it was on the other side of town, away from the station. He said he didn’t want anything to remind him of work while we were out.”
Atticus didn’t like the way his gut clenched when images of her fucking Bonnie’s husband danced through his head. What the hell? It’s not like he was dating her. She had a right to have sex with anyone she wanted to. Keep your focus here.
“Didn’t you ask him why you couldn’t stay at his place?”
“Sure, and he gave me the same answer I just told you.”
How was it no one ever saw them out? Leland must have known the haunts and habits of his wife, plus those of his friends and family quite well. Being a police captain had its advantages when you decided to cheat with a hot young thing like Emma.
“This went on for three years?”
The anger was back in her eyes, along with embarrassment. While he understood the reaction, he still needed to find out what she knew.
“Yes, it did. Call me naïve. Call me stupid. Label this whatever you have to if that makes you feel better.”
Atticus sighed and leaned forward. “Emma, I’m sorry this makes you so uncomfortable. It sounds as if you were lied to.” Unless she’s lying to you now, that is.
“I was lied to. I believed him because I wanted to believe him.”
“I understand that. When people we believe care about us lie, it destroys our trust in everyone.”
She narrowed her eyes slightly, and he wondered whether he’d fallen on his fucking head this morning and forgotten about it. This wasn’t about building a rapport with her, or offering an ear to listen to what Leland Clough had allegedly done to her. She was here so he could determine whether she was spying on him and the other Weathermen. It was time to stop thinking with his damn cock.
“You sound like you have personal experience with that.”
Fuck it all. “We’re not talking about my life. When and how did you find out about his wife?”
“I began getting calls on my Internet phone where the person listened for a second or two while I said ‘hello’ several times, then hung up. The calls came from the same area of Central as Leland lives. I tried to trace the number, but it was blocked.”
“How did you know where he lived?”
She flushed. “I looked it up. At work, I mean.”
“In three years you never wondered why he wouldn’t take you to his house?”
Her loud sigh told him he’d struck a nerve. “Yes, of course I did, okay? I wondered why he wouldn’t spend the night at my place, too.”
Had someone been watching her place and Leland known about it?
“But it’s not like we never went out in public. I had no reason to think he was hiding anything.”
“Are you sure?”
Her eyes flashed with anger once more. “Atticus, why are the details of my relationship with this asshole so damn important to you? I mean what’s really going on here? Can’t you see I’m humiliated enough by this? Why do you think I looked for another job and moved to a different city in less than a month? I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. The guy took my damn virginity, for God’s sake. Okay? There. Are you happy now?”
He was stunned into silence.
“I was a naïve twenty-five year old virgin who had spent most of high school crying. Half the boys wouldn’t go out with me because I’m fat, and the other half wouldn’t because they all thought I was too damn nerdy or too smart. I always had my nose in a book, and it wasn’t because I never had dates. I was smart. I still am. I liked school.”
He started to say something, but she cut him off.
“Don’t you think I’ve asked myself a million times why I never listened to the rumors about Leland with my head instead of my heart? Or why I never dug into his background on my own? I had the resources right there at work. I could have done it, but I never did. When the phone calls started, all the alarm bells I’d ignored for three years were too loud to ignore any longer.”
Atticus had to force himself not to reach for her so he could hold her. Guilt washed over him. He hadn’t meant to bring up horrible memories for her. And another thought occurred to him that hadn’t entered his consciousness before now. She’d had feelings for Leland Clough.
Why wouldn’t she develop them? The man had wined and dined her, and made her feel special and wanted for the first time in her adult life. He had a sudden urge to drive to Central and choke the fucker for what he’d done.
“I’m sorry, Emma. I didn’t know any of that.”
“No one does. I don’t discuss it. Leland wasn’t a stupid high school boy. He loved me. Or I thought he did. He loved my curves. He told me I was beautiful. He treated me like a precious gem. He helped me earn my college degrees and told me I was too smart to be tracking down criminals for the police.”
And he lied to you about being married.
“And then the fucker…” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand so he reached over and plucked a tissue from the box, handing it to her. She took it with a quick look of gratitude and wiped her face once more. “Shortly after the phone calls started, I had made up my mind to confront him again about the rumors. We had a terrible argument over them. I mean really horrible. He accused me of betraying the trust between us, and I told him I needed some time to think about our relationship.”
She wiped her face again. “Then a few days later the stupid fucker brought his wife to the station. It was
a Sunday afternoon when I wasn’t supposed to be working. Or maybe he did know and that’s why he did it. I don’t know. Anyway, I was there picking up some overtime, and when he walked in and saw me and the few others who were there, he told us she was a witness he was interviewing.”
“Was that unusual? I mean for him to bring a witness to the station to interview?”
“Sure was.”
“Sounds like he did it on purpose, Emma. He knew you were working.”
She didn’t say anything, but he realized from the look in her eyes that she’d already reached that conclusion on her own.
“How did you figure out the woman was his wife?”
“One of my coworkers was also there and told me. She said she’d seen a picture of her online recently, so I asked her to find it. Leland was in his office with Bonnie and the blinds were down, but he did that a lot even when he was alone in there, so at first I convinced myself he was telling the truth about the woman being a witness.”
“Did your coworkers know you were dating?”
“Yes. Everyone knew by then. When I saw the picture of him and Bonnie online I was really upset. I—”
“Where was it?”
“What?”
“The picture. Where did your coworker find it?”
“I’ll show you.” She moved in front of the tablet and clicked to a charity event that had occurred less than three months ago. Then she brought up a picture of Leland and Bonnie Clough, arms around each other’s waists, smiling into the camera. The caption identified them as Mr. and Mrs. Leland Clough, attendees and donors at that particular event for the past twenty years.
“What excuse did your coworker give for not telling you she knew Leland was married?”
Emma rolled her eyes. “Are you kidding? She laughed in my face. She thought it was hysterical that I’d been made a fool of for so long. That’s the closest I’ve ever come to punching another person. I got up from my desk and walked into his office without knocking. They … shit. This is really hard to say.”
“You don’t have to.” He had enough details of the pain Leland had put her through to convince him she was telling the truth. Leland had lied to her, and Emma hadn’t been sent to his company by him, by Bonnie, or by anyone.